Dear Santa

Here is my mad libs Dear Santa letter. If you want to make your own, go here....
http://members.aol.com/frogiearno/dearsanta.htm

Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl.
It really wasn't my fault what happened at Zanna's Office party. It was Brad who spiked the punch with too much Martini. I can't help it if I drank 90000000 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like poo.

I thought it was funny when I put Meghan's shirt on my head and danced the macarena on the chaise lounge while singing `You Shook Me All Night Long'. I didn't mean to break Zanna's ipod and don't know why Zanna would accuse me of streaking.

I don't remember calling Eric's wife a silly chicken---even though she looked like one with red eye shadow and blue lipstick!

And when I threw up on Aimee's husband's elbow, it was only because I ate too much of that macaroni and cheese.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my SUV through my neighbor's roof. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a dumb dog and have me arrested for public intoxication!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all stupid and friendly. And I'm really not to blame for any of this cute stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!

Sincerely and boldly yours,
Erin (Really a nice girl!)

P.S. It's only 5 bucks!

The "List"

Remember that episode of friends when Ross and Rachel made lists of celebrities they would be allowed to sleep with if given the opportunity? Well, here's mine. Sorry I did not have time to laminate it.

Tried and True, although I would take the late 90's version over this new and unimproved one...


You all know how I feel about this guy:


Lenny is someone I always thought was hot even though I know he's a shorty. I just remembered how hot he is at the Aerosmith concert on Sunday where he rocked it out as the opening act. Not sure about that whole being married at one time to Lisa Bonet thing but i could get over it. YUM!


And a new front runner....straight from nip/tuck thanks to my netflix, Dr. Christian Troy himself.


Still looking for that number 5, I am sure he is out there somewhere, so many to choose from. :) I'll have to interview Brad and see what his choices are but it will be hard to decipher who "that one chick with the big boobs" is. Until then...

We will return after these messages

I have thought of coming here many times over the last month. I had nothing to write about. Is blogging a fad for me? Am I over it like I was my Cabbage Patch Kid, my Care Bear, my Glow Worm and my Pogo Ball? As I age do I have less to talk (bitch) about? Is careless broadcasting of my private life a figment of my misspent youth? I am still into the idea of it...even though as I type, I always worry what other people reading it are thinking. But then I remind myself, no one else reads this. I guess if I can entertain one bored cube monkey I have done my good deed for the day. Not to mention, this seems to help my typing and spelling skills (even as I typed that I misspelled the word spelling-oh the irony!).

Well, on to the show. Not much is new here, I already got my dose of the flu for this year and let me tell you it was not pleasant. I can't believe Christmas is coming and it is already the middle of November. I spend my days at work tolerating my boss and selling (and buying unfortunately) things on eBay. I am obsessed. My plan is to sell enough stuff that I can pay for our trip to the Keys in February. This weekend I am going to Columbus for a baby shower so I get to hang out with all pregnant ladies who love to talk about how they can't fit into their size 4 200 dollar jeans anymore and isn't it just a travesty. All my normal (sized) friends have some how found something else better to do that day. I knew I should have scheduled better...

I really can't complain, all this is trivial and over all things are going well. I am actually excited to unpack the decorations and get on with the holidays already.

BTW...I still have that Care Bear :)

Meet my new Grandma

So my Grandfather has a girlfriend. Which is weird, but you know who really cares in the long run? I mean I think he is like 80. But anyways she is town this weekend and I may or may not get to see her. Isn't it weird to think of old people dating and falling in love or worse yet being a player or getting dumped? Just like being 13 all over again.

Like, Oh My God, Y'all!

I heard on the radio this morning that Britney Spears was out drinking while pregnant. Apparently, she had a glass of white wine and some margaritas and told the waiter at the restaurant that her doctor said it was okay to "get drunk" in your last tri-mester. God help her.

Inlaws and Outlaws

Brad's birthday is this weekend. I got him a dvd for his birthday, The Dancing Outlaw. (http://www.dancingoutlaw.com/index.aspx) It is a documentary our friends Z & C had us watch that is CRA-ZEE. Hillbilly-ville. Well Brad was so into it and he totally wanted to see the follow up. This will be a classic in our family for years to come. I didn't spring for the "Limited Addition". Not sure what is in that bonus track, but I don't think it is worth an extra $50.00. Here is a description:
"Nestled deep within the heart of the mountains of Boone County, West Virginia reigns a King. The King - Jesco White, The Dancing Outlaw. Jesco is a living legend. The last of the Mountain Dancers, his style is unique to the mountain culture. Resembling tap dancing, it's a tradition passed down from father to son - as were his dancing shoes. His dance floor? An 8 by 4 piece of plywood or the roof of his canine companion Duke's doghouse.
His venue? The front yard, the den of Jesco's and Norma Jean's trailer, or any place the spirit moves.
But dancing isn't the only phenomenon that emanates from the cabin. On quiet nights, legend has it, you can hear the echoes of vintage Elvis tunes careening off the walls of Jesco's Elvis room and through the mountains of Boone county. Jesco belts out Elvis tunes as only a true King can."

My friend Jenn came to town last night and we went to dinner and sushi-ed it up. It was good to see her.
On the ebay front, I bid on an ottoman/coffee table that was most perfect yesterday.

I waited until the last 10 minutes it was up for auction and there was a frenzy. I was given a second chance to bid today, because I think the seller is a manufacturer and they have tons of them in stock. We shall see. Brad told me it was my last purchase of '05. :( Good thing it is september already!!

PS. Is everyone surprised I didn't talk about the finale of Six Feet Under? It was phenomenal. And the song in the end, Breathe Me by Sia, awesome. I actually found a place to download it off the internet, damn you itunes. Couldn't get it there, because you can't just buy that one song, big mistake. Some people thought the ending was cheesy, but I liked it because there was closure. Now to wait for the Sopranos....

Selling stuff, not myself

So yesterday I went down to Tower City to get some lunch. I stopped in the music store to check and see if they had a cd for my dude's b-day coming up (Eurotrip soundtrack-it is so wrong I have to buy a whole cd just to get the song Scotty Doesn't Know by Lustra). There I am, wandering around, and then this:
"Hey girl, you got some pretty blond hair."
Me: *?* "Uh, thanks."
"I'm sure you hear that all the time, but you sure look good, girl."
Me" "Ummm. My colorist must do a great job!" *Just keep walking, Erin*
"Hey, come back here, I gotta question for you."
Me: *starting to panic*
"What's your name?"
Me: "Uh, Erin?" *I couldn't even think of a fake name*
"You look like a Stephanie"
Me: *???????*
Here is my future boyfriend:



I know that is Fat Joe, but I didn't really want to excite the guy more by asking if I could take his picture. You know, for under my pillow at night, and stuff like that.

So the car is still for sale. The bidding on craigslist has gone into a frenzy. I am amazed by how many people keep offering me cash. That's some crazy shit. The original offer-ee emailed me today, he came from Cali and maybe he appreciates a good German luxury vehicle. He is going down there today to check it out. Fingers crossed, peeps.
Speaking of money, money, money. I gotta get rid of these U2 tickets. They are burning a hole in my pocket. Check them out on ebay hopefully next week. Bid!! See you at the show.

Tired

I know everyone is tired of hearing it.

I am very depressed about the finale of Queer As Folk. The ending was fine, it is just the fact that it is over. I can't take it. I don't know if it was because I don't know anyone else that watched it so I have no one to talk to about it or what. I confessed to Brad last night that I was very very sad about it still and he told me I was pathetic. I can go back and watch all the episodes on Showtime InDemand. I can buy the dvds off of ebay. I even heard there were books that someone wrote (fan-fiction). I downloaded some songs from iTunes from the soundtrack.
"Cue the Pulse to Begin" Burnside Project
"Proud" Heather Small
They are in constant rotation on my iTunes. Am I making it worse on myself? I need to move on. I need something better. How did a television show become so much of my life? More over than that, the character of Brian Kinney (see my post L-O-V-E). At work sometimes when we are folding stuff, I watch Oprah. I can't stand it when those women in the beginning go ape shit and are screaming like they just saw Jesus. But you know what, I would probably do that if I ever saw Gale Harold. Sad, so sad. Sometimes I think there is a direct correlation between my time in Key West and the show. When I left there and moved here, that show was the one thing that let me visit there once a week from my own snowy living room. I know QAF takes place in Pittsburgh, but the club scenes reminded me so much of that time in my life.

Well, I am going to look for another hobby. I've got some stained glass that needs finishing and then there is the whole stamping thing, and the house. Maybe I needed it to end so I could do what they did in the end, move on with my life. Find vindication, make myself proud. Make myself "the best homosexual I can be". Ha.

I look into the window of my mind
Reflections of the fears I know I've left behind
I step out of the ordinary
I can feel my soul ascending
I am on my way
Can't stop me now
And you can do the same
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
It's never too late to try
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
You could be so many people
If you make that break for freedom
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
Still so many answers I don't know
Realise that to question is how we grow
So I step out of the ordinary
I can feel my soul ascending
I am on my way
Can't stop me now
And you can do the same
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
It's never too late to try
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
You could be so many people
If you make that break for freedom
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
We need a change
Do it today
I can feel my spirit rising
We need a change
So do it today
'Cause I can see a clear horizon
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
So what have you done today to make you feel proud?
'Cause you could be so many people
If you make that break for freedom
So what have you done today to make you feel proud?
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
What have you done today
You could be so many people?
Just make that break for freedom
So what have you done today to make you feel proud?

100 Things I Like

1. fortune cookies
2. sushi
3. edamame
4. Pretty much all things asian!
5. breezy days
6. fall time
7. osu football
8. the beach
9. crystal blue water
10. wet sand between my toes
11. the smell of clean laundry
12. a freshly mowed lawn
13. veggies from the garden
14. homemade salsa
15. being alone at work
16. the internet!!
17. ebay
18. garage sales
19. my husband's kisses
20. sleeping in
21. an ice cold dirty martini
22. my dog
23. puppies
24. stampin' up!
25. my niece's emerging personality
26. my parent's house
27. my parents
28. my sister and brother in law
29. my friends
30. all things apple/macintosh
31. cell phones
32. suvs
33. electric hybrids
34. empty trash cans
35. clean house
36. reality television
37. mtv
38. queer as folk
39. cable programming
40. harry potter
41. mcdonald's
42. getting my hair cut
43. getting my nails done
44. flip flops
45. tattoos
46. george clooney
47. gale harold (see last post)
48. silence
49. loud music
50. venus hum
51. the beatles
52. adobe products
53. not waiting in line
54. smelling the roses
55. flowers
56. eliptical trainers
57. rib offs
58. bbq
59. vacations
60. key west
61. sunsets
62. margaritas
63. cornonas
64. bloody marys
65. put-in-bay
66. great restaurants
67. booths
68. rubber boots
69. tank tops
70. hipster underwear
71. red bull
72. starbucks!
73. van gogh
74. don li leger
75. sledding
76. warm winter jackets
77. old navy
78. sun dried tomato wheat thins
79. down filled pillows
80. cake
81. smores
82. speeding
83. passing a cop and not getting pulled over
84. being free
85. lying in the grass
86. throwing things away
87. short car trips
88. matinee movies
89. popcorn
90. no phones ringing
91. my wedding ring and what it means
92. lying on the couch
93. allman brothers
94. itunes
95. living in the city that was built on rock and roll
96. being able to say cleveland rocks and mean it
97. indians games
98. working downtown
99. going out to lunch
100. being me

In L-O-V-E

I love Gale Harold (Showtime's Queer As Folk). I want to eat his face off. I can't stand it. I can't stand it. I can't stand it. I can't stand it!!



Oh, and I love Brad too, but have you seen this guy? YUM!

Alone and I like it

Now that my temper tantrum is over...

So I think it is pretty funny that my boss doesn't tell me when he's not coming in. I get here this morning and I have had no phone calls or any sightings of him. I think he does it because God forbid if I know he isn't going to be here, I'll come in drunk or throw like a party or something. HAHA. Actually it IS better being here alone, I have the Neil Young cranked up, I am getting tons of work done, and I can blog! At my last job (cubicle factory), my manager was always riding me with a whip and crop demanding me to work more! harder! Telling me I was a slacker when I was doing 3 times the work of my co-workers. She always told me it was the same stress and pressure and pay as everywhere else. Well I hate to break it to you, I make more now, I work less hours, I have my own office and someone who could care less how much I am on the internet or working on my own stuff as long as what I need to do for him gets done first. I know I have bitched about this job, but I can't think of a better work environment for me. Oh, except if my office was in the middle of my living room. I can dream, can't I?

Tonight I am off to a Jell-O Shot, Flip Flop party. My mom told me on the phone last night not to get drunk, but with less then a cup of liquor for 35 shots, I don't think that will be an issue. (Except for that sixer of Corona I am taking with me!) I have never made Jell-O shots before, so I decided to get crafty and make my own recipe up...I'll share it with you, my guinea pig (Brad) said they turned out A-OK. I maybe could of added more rum, I was scared because I thought they wouldn't gel.

Strawberry Daquiri Jell-O shots
You will need:
little plastic cups, or if you want to go crazy, make it in a big dish
1 large packet strawberry flavored gelatin
2 cups boiling H2O
3/4 cup Captain Morgan's rum, I bet Bicardi or whatever would work too
3/4 cup cream
1/2 cup cold H2O

Add the boiling water to the Jell-O powder, stir til melted, add in the Capt. Morgan's and the cream, whisk it up. Add in 1/2 cup cold water, pour into little cups, put in fridge. When these solidify, the top half will be creamy pinkish and the bottom will be clear red. Not sure why this happens. Top with whip cream and a strawberry. Eat whole batch and maybe you will catch a buzz. And it is fat free!! Enjoy!
Here is a picture I found of Jell-O shots on the internet. So that is what the lids are for! Easy transport. So do like the picture and get lids.



Love, E

Artsy Fartsy

This is a fun site:
http://postsecret.blogspot.com/
It is amazing at how many of those postcards you can identify with. Makes me think about making my own someday.

Congrats to Z on the new job, although without email, I will be pretty bored at work. Hey! more time to blog!

On another note, we are heading to the country this weekend, it is my 10 year high school reunion. I am sure I will have lots to post about when I get back...

Home Tomorrow Jiggity Jig

Sad to leave.

Some Vacation Haikus

I can't wait anymore
Sit on the beach by the shore
North Carolina

The annoying noise
Of cell phones ringing loudly
Replaced by seagulls

Salty taste and smell
Sea, magaritas and sweat
On my lips and skin

Better wear sunscreen
Bronzed goddess with tan limbs or
Red dry peeling skin

Week-long rented house
Maybe I will not return
Screw work and Cleveland

Have you ever seen a dead body?

I have only seen a dead body in pictures or at the funeral home. I often go to rotten.com or it's sister site, boners.com (check it out, it is pretty funny sometimes). These two sites have tons of pictures from police files and curious bystanders. Pictures of dead bodies, crazy accidents, pictures of limbs with no torso, torso with no limbs, heads with no brains, heads with no bodies, okay you get the picture (literally, is it forming in your head right now??). I think it is amazing how you become desensitized to something like that. I am so curious to look, I am grateful for the pictures so I can sit and stare closely at every detail. It is also crazy how the body takes on the essence of a manequin almost, like it is not real and I am in some wax museum. I think if I came upon a dead body in it's first and natural state, my feeling would be different. My 2-D safety net would be broken and I think I might throw up or run away even. Isn't it weird how if it's a picture of something you can convince yourself that it is not real, some how staged? Is it the smell? The lingering heat of the body? The feel of the spirit in the air? Even at funerals, you look at the body with the waxy skin and too much make up and think "that's not real". To me, they never look like they are "sleeping". Maybe it is the knowing of the ins and outs now that I am older (and thanks to too much CSI & 6 Feet Under), the stitches that hold together the mouth and the eyes, the skin taught, the muscles and limbs stiff and unbending with rigor mortis. Just like anything that is dehydrated, dried, and in that stage right before decomposition, when you realize how important water can be. When I die, I would love it if I was just allowed to rot back into the earth like nature intended. Fuck the embalming, God forbid some freak will try to get busy with my corpse. Desecrate my body, but not my soul because it will be gone. An empty vessel, waiting for the fire that will engulf it and turn it into what it was from the beginning, ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

"After nine days I let the horse run free
'Cause the desert had turned to sea
There were plants and birds and rocks and things
there was sand and hills and rings
The ocean is a desert with it's life underground
And a perfect disguise above
Under the cities lies a heart made of ground
But the humans will give no love"

Ugh.

Why doesn't Britney Spears wear a bra? She is so disgusting. I know you are pregnant and all but they are all over the place. Support the Twins! You'll regret it later! Oh wait, you'll just get another boob job...
Here are some great pictures of her and her boobs.
http://cityrag.blogs.com/
(under the starbucks post)
And on another note...MEXICAN FIESTA TIME TONIGHT!
¡AI AI AI AI! ¡ARIBA!

Someone put a mickey into my drink...and I liked it.

My husband brought me flowers on Saturday. We did all kinds of stuff in the yard, attended a BBQ, and in general enjoyed each other's company. I think someone drugged him.

Why?

Why is it when I am at my desk and I feel the need to go to the bathroom, I continue to sit here like it's going to go away? I am killing my kidneys. It must have been all those times my mom locked me in the closet for days and told me if I wet myself I would have to drink it.
Just kidding.
Actually, I chalk it up to waitressing. Can't pee until the break, folks. And breaks are few and far between. Maybe it isn't that. Maybe I am so god damn lazy that I can't even get up to stop working to go to the bathroom. Oh, that's it then. I am a dedicated employee. Ha.
Whatever it is, I gotta quit doing it and get me some depends. I give up.

Summertime

This weekend was pretty good. My dude went to a NASCAR race in NC with his dad. WHY? Don't ask me. The important thing was I was not expected to participate. I'm all for some camping, but not in the middle of a race track with 165,000 drunks running around and that horrible race car noise for 6 HOURS STRAIGHT. That's right. How can anyone sit there for 6 hours and listen to that noise? But, they liked it. They may even go again next year. All in all, my husband came back with a neck that was just a little bit redder then before...he blamed it on the sun, time will tell!
So onto my weekend. I was alone most of the time which was not necessarily a bad thing. I spent some time with my sister, I bought plants, I mulched the beds. On Saturday, I went to my friend Zanna's house for a cookout which was awesome and spent time bitching about how much I hate George Bush, which is one of my favorite topics. I drank two bottles of Pinot, got some hiccups, and went home and passed out. GOOD TIMES!

And....as a special favor to all you (2) readers, my girl Z had an adventure on Thursday. Here it is in her own words...
EMAIL from Z sent on 5/24/05.
TITLE: HORROR!
"Listen to what happened to me yesterday!!! I was driving home from work on Route 2 on the shoreway less than a mile from my exit, coming around a couple of curves and I see cars ahead of me swerving and slamming on brakes. Just about when I started wondering what was going on, I see a bunch of men running across the highway and one of them was right in front of my car!! At that moment, I KNEW there was nothing I could do! I slammed on my breaks from 50 miles an hour, covered my face to shield it, and thought "I'm about to kill a man! Right now! With my car! I'm killing somebody!!!!" It took what seemed like an eternity- for a split second I thought I missed him - but then I heard him hit! I opened my eyes and still saw cars swerving, people running up to us, and the other guys run off towards the woods on the other side of the soap box derby. I stayed in my car completely FREAKING out, but I saw the man I hit was up and staggering around, so I knew I didn't kill him - THANK GOD! I saw a woman in what looked like a nurse's uniform talking to him telling himto get on the ground and not to move. I called 911. Then I got out of my car to make sure everyone was ok. I'm still shaking typing this. The woman who was talking to the guy I hit was a physical therapist, so she knew better what to do with the guy than I did. He was trying to smoke a cigarette. He was a vagrant and smelled like alcohol. I went up to a guy -a witness - and he started telling me how he saw the whole thing and that there was no way I could've avoided hitting that guy. The vagrant and his buddies ran across three lanes of traffic on the highway during rush hour. The witness said there were two other guys with him and they ran off
towards the woods with a cooler. We waited for the ambulance and the police. The guy I hit was put in a neck brace and taken on a board into the ambulance. Before they put him in, he looked me right in the eyes and said "I'm sorry ma'am. It was all my fault." His nose was bloody and broken. The police showed up and said I wasn't in trouble. They were going to the hospital to cite the man. They sent me home. My car has two dents in the hood and the windshield is cracked like crazy. I took off work today because of the car, and because I didn't get much sleep last night. I am OK. I am still shaken up."

Can you believe that? Now that is a great story if I ever heard one. I decided she needs a t-shirt that says "BUM KILLA" so I photoshopped her into one so she can hang it by her desk at work and all the drones can come by the cube and get the old autograph.

Now back to my (non) exciting weekend. I rounded it out with some laundry and cleaning. My dude got home right on time for us to make the Rib Off for dinner, which I will be paying for shortly, probably in another 20 min. HAHA. That's all folks. I'll try harder next time.

Wish there was something I could say...

Not only have I not posted in awhile but one of my favorite people of all times lost his mom this past week. The weather and the church ceremony could not have been more beautiful on saturday. Friends gathered from afar to pay respects. I was not close with his mother, but what a wonderful woman to have raised such a wonderful son. Everytime I looked at him and even now as I type this I cannot help crying. I feel so bad. I love you, baby. If you need something, call. It can only get better, right?